"Penis panic" in our nation's heartland

Penis panic, or koro, is a form of mass hysteria where men believe that their penises are disappearing or being stolen. It has occurred in both Asia and Africa, but it has never happened to people of European descent... until now. In the past week 11 unrelated penis panics have broken out in the Midwest. Nobody knows how they started, and it is notable that in the cities in which they occurred, there are no immigrants from Africa or Asia. The manifestation of penis panic differs from continent to continent; in Africa, it takes the form of a witch hunt, as the men are convinced that a stranger has stolen their penises and they must kill him to get them back; in Asia, it is believed that the penis is retracting into the body and will kill them if it is not somehow stopped. The manifestation in America seems to be that the sufferers first believe that they have misplaced it somehow, and will begin by ransacking their own home, then wandering about town retracing their steps. They may accuse others of stealing it, or attempt to buy a new penis from various stores, and eventually there is full scale riots with men yelling "give us our penises back!" although they have no idea who took them. Eventually, after considerable property damage, they realize that it was actually between their legs all along.